Monday, June 14, 2010

Milkmaid For a Night....

As many of you may have been keeping up with the Monday Funday Neighbor Man series, you may have noticed a distinct pattern to the stories. For the most part, the misadventures revolve around my Dad being in cahoots with the Neighbor Man. While you may think so, that is not always the case.

Enter my older brother, Buddy**.

Shortly after my dad's accident, Mom went back to work. When Buddy and I were young, Mom always worked, but when our little brother came along, she decided to be a stay-at-home-mom. Obviously, that all changed when Dad became disabled and thus lost a substantial amount of his income. As her experience was in food service--namely waitressing--she quickly nabbed a lucrative position at one of the restaurants in the Frankenmuth.

Now, anyone from Michigan will tell you that this Christmas town is always hopping, even in the summer months, and Mom was beyond excited about her new job. She came home from her orientation and proudly showed off her uniforms...a red white and blue number that brought to mind the image of a milkmaid on crack. We all had a little laugh as she modeled the outfit for us and exclaimed how the clothing made her waist look tiny and her boobs look big.

A few weeks later, I came home to find the Neighbor Man, Dad, and Buddy gathered around the table in serious discussion. I stood in the kitchen for several moments trying to figure out just what they were trying to persuade my brother to do. Confused, I watched as Buddy bounded out of his chair and disappeared into my parents' bedroom.

Meanwhile, Dad and the Neighbor Man hurriedly got out the Polaroid camera and sat back down at the table in anticipation of the bedroom door opening. I didn't ask any questions, just sat down and waited for whatever show was about to be put on.

When the door finally opened, my jaw dropped, high-pitched giggles tumbling forth, even as Dad snapped pictures. Buddy was wearing Mom's extra uniform, waist cinched tight and socks stuffed in the chest to give him "boobs" He danced a little jig for us and then went back in to get dressed.

When he came out again, he held his hand out and the Neighbor Man handed him a five dollar bill. It's sad to know how easily Buddy can be bought. And then, of course, Mom came home to the photographic evidence of the night's festivities.

Life Lesson Learned: Everyone has a price...Evidently, my family's is very low, in deed. :)

**Names changed to protect the not-so-innocent


  1. Okay, that's a great story but I want to see the proof. Post that Picture. Maybe he will pay you not too.

    But let me know first, because I really, really want to see it.

  2. Kelly, I am trying to get my mother to give me those pics, but she's no fool. She's knows what I want to do with them, and her response is always the same: "People are going to think that we're a bunch of lunatics!" Really Mom, I think they already know that ;)


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