Tuesday and the Big Fat TEASE

The pay phone calls out, beckons me to it.  If I can’t get the info on that asshole who killed my mom, I should at least get something out of this trip, right?  Before I can stop myself, I feed some quarters into the phone and punch in the correct numbers.

The line stays quiet for an eternity.  I slump against the wall next to phone and close my eyes.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

Her voice breaks through, a lilting song I could listen to for hours, days, weeks.  “Is this thing on?  Beckett, quit laughing and help me figure this out!”

Long pause and the requisite beep sounds.  I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.  My hand snakes out, holds down the cradle to end the call.  But, I don’t replace the receiver.  Instead, more quarters appear in my palm and they disappear into the phone.

“Is this thing on?  Beckett, quit laughing and help me figure this out!”

This time, when the beep comes, a strangled sob lurches out of me.  “Mom?  I miss you so much.”  The words come from someone else, some broken, hopeless kid who can’t stop crying for his mommy.

End call.  More quarters.

As my fingers stumble over the number pad, someone walks by.  He barely looks up.  My eyes are mere slits, and even then my vision is blurred by the tears building up.  All I catch is the shiny gold of honey blonde hair, broad shoulders all tense and curved in as if the weight of the world rests there.  For a second, I wonder if maybe he’s as alone as me…if he’s just lost the most important person in his world…if maybe he knows how I feel.

Her voice swings through the line, slams into my eardrum, both comforting and gut-wrenching at the same time.  “Is this thing on?  Beckett, quit laughing and help me figure this out!”

“Mom,” I whisper her name again as the tears start falling.