Excuses, Excuses...

They're like noses.  Everyone's got one.  Some of us have really, really big ones.  I'm just saying.

So, what are my excuses, you might ask?  Well, let me tell you...I don't really have any.  Which is sad.  Because I need to figure some out, and NOW.

You see, friends.  I'm really behind on, oh about, a million or so things.  Here's my list.  WARNING: Take a deep breath before reading it, because it will wear a girl out.  Again.  I'm just saying.

1. Write not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR reviews of ARCS that I finished reading last month.  I also, just finished reading another ARC last night, so I guess that makes FIVE reviews now.  Wow, Karla way to drop the ball there.
2. Finish up TWO beta reads I promised to return to the writers LAST weekend.  Yep, that's me, making promises that I don't deliver on.  Many, many apologies to the lovely writer friends who still haven't received their critiques from me.  You know who you are.  Please don't be too mad.
3. Work on my bright and oh so shiny YA mystery novel.  These characters are just a chattering away at me, which I LOVE LOVE LOVE.  Now, if only I could just sit my tush down at the computer and not get distracted by Twitter and blog stalking people.
4. Meet up with my cuz who just moved down to the Seventh Circle of Hell.  Apparently, he got the idea that this is the place to live.  Who would've guessed that?  Not that I'm complaining because, hey it's family.  Yay for family!
5. According to fellow blogger Tray-Tray, I've turned into a bit of a Negative Nancy lately.  Why yes, I have complained about the post office via the Twitter, and yes, I have been known to quote not-so-happy song lyrics, but Tracey, I swear I'm not a Negative Nancy.  Clearly, she doesn't believe me, so I must work on showing (and not telling her...yeah, I couldn't resist throwing in that writerly type advice) her that she's wrong.

So, folks.  Which should I tackle first?  Also, do you have any good excuses I can use when apologizing up down and sideways to all the people affected by my procrastination lately?  Do you think they'll believe that I'm the victim of a genetics-enhancing experiment gone terribly wrong?  Or maybe it's a government conspiracy?  Yeah, I may or may not have been reading too much Dean Koontz type-books lately. 

Friends Who Live in My Computer

Now, hold on. Before you go calling the men in white coats to take me away to a padded cell where I will gleefully eat jello and drool onto my pajamas for the rest of my life, please hear me out! ....Although the whole pajamas and jello thing sounds nice...uh...minus the drooling, that is.

I'm talking about those people you meet while skulking in the shadows of Twitter, blogs, and various online writing communities, who for better or for worse have pulled you into the sunshine to play. You know the ones. Those people that you have never once met in "real" life, but you feel as if you have known for centuries. Your friends.

I, myself, have been lucky enough to find some wonderful people in my computer. (No, they don't actually live INSIDE my computer. That would just be weird.) We swap 140-character rants. We tease each other mercilessly. Some of us even gloat, gleefully tormenting the rest of us with their recent techno-type purchases. (I'm not naming any names, but her initials are Kelly Breakey)

We also discuss our favorite thing above all else: Books. Hey, we even formed a book club (see sidebar), and if any of you fun followers are interested in joining us, please contact me or any of the others and we will welcome you into the fold. (The hazing is minimal....well, you won't be scarred for life....er...maybe....yeah, I'm probably lying about that)

And, when (notice I said when here not IF) I'm ever blue from the constant whirl of rejection that is Query Hell or even just the torment that is real life, I know that these ladies (and gentlemen) will be there to pick me up, dust me off, and say "You can do this!"

Thanks, guys!! You all rock!

Okay...now, that I'm done being maudlin, I must think of something snarky to say or else you all are going to think I've become a Sappy Sally!

Uh...I like honey...yeah, okay. That didn't work. Don't worry! I'll figure it out...eventually. Until then, stay tuned :)

Things I Know to be True and Other Falsehoods...

I am a lurker. I will admit it. I belong to many on-line writing communities, Twitter, Facebook...Hell, I've even been known to blog-stalk many a writer or agent, and quite frequently, I might add. There have been times, I've cut in with a snarky reply/comment, but mostly, I do simply what a lurker does best. I slink back into the shadows and watch and wait.

I lurk.

During the course of my recent lurking endeavors, I've picked some valuable information, gleaning bits of wisdom from blogs and random tweets. Today is the day that I share this sage advice with all my lovelies. I know. I know. You love me. You don't know how you ever lived without me and my blog before. To tell you the truth, I really don't have an answer to that. Just go with it. I am here, and you are glad of it. End of story.

Uh...okay...Ego much, Karla?

So, anywho...Here we go. Don't say I never did anything for you!

1. Not only do agents want to you to follow up on your long-ass boring query letters, but they absolutely love it when you email them--while they are closed to queries--to demand to know if said agent has worked out a publishing deal. I don't know about you fine folks, but I NEVER knew that. It's wonderful news, indeed!
2. Sending a letter to Oprah about your book virtually guarantees you not only an agent but a publishing contract. This no-fail plan has been added to my list of things that I simply must do when I begin querying my next book. It'll work like a charm!
3. In order to get a three-book deal, you must formulate a strict writing routine and stick to it. It helps if you also eat moldy toast. Just ask Tawna Fenske. I have to admit that I am actually going to try this. I went to the store just last night and purchased some day-old rye bread. In a few days, I will be dining on penicillin. Go ahead! You can congratulate me on the deal now. :)
4. Contests are the best thing since sliced--er, moldy--bread! Especially, when you've already been assured of winning...Wait? Elizabeth, you did promise that I'd win, right? RIGHT?!?!?
5. If you demand a $50 million advance for four books, someone will pay it! Wow! Wait just a minute while I change the wording in my query letter to extol the virtues of paying me so much for my novels. Oh, that's only for people like Janet Evanovich? Can someone get me her agent's number? I'm sure if I employ the tactics I learned from #1 and #2, he'll take me on in a heartbeat!
6. When aliens abduct you, they give parting gifts!! Yes, friends. It's true. My dearest blog buddy, Kelly, just got an iPad from said aliens. Hmmm...I hope they didn't do anything to terrible to her...like make her slow dance with them. That would be very traumatic!
7. Geography can be so funny! Just ask Linda Grimes, and she will tell you all about South China ;)

Well, that's it for my pearls of wisdom today, friends. Have I missed any other important tidbits that need to be spread around? Please tell me in the comments!

In The Mouth of Madness...

The Carnival of Madness, that is. Yes, friends. I spent a wonderfully loud and somewhat painful evening rocking out with such great bands at 10 Years, Sevendust, Chevelle, Puddle of Mudd, and Shinedown.

I know. I know. You are all pea-green with envy :) Here are some pics to make you even more jealous...

(from Puddle of Mudd)

(from Shinedown)

Sadly, all of this fun (and close proximity to the performers) did come with a price :( Yes, friends, I am one giant bruise from head to toe, but do I care? No! Would I do it all again in a heartbeat. Hell Yeah!

That's all:)