Monday, May 3, 2010

The Tunnel of Dreams...Er...Maybe Not

Last week, you all were introduced to the Neighbor Man and his penchant for electro-shock therapy. This week, I thought I'd keep the streak alive and regale you all with one of the first adventures that Dad and the Neighbor Man had together.

So here we go...

Once upon a time, in a little town in the land where Red Wings hockey reigned supreme, there lived a family of four...and an odd fellow we call the Neighbor Man. In this land, the seasons melded into one another and winter was king. It went from being bitterly cold to being just a little cold but very wet. Summer last a scant month or two before the cool winds came once more. Ah, the joys of living in the arctic circle known as Michigan.

During those short summer months when the ground was dry, the family and the Neighbor Man would either walk or drive through the field between their houses instead of taking the road. The path that was cut between the houses was known as Green Street, but in the spring and winter months, Green Street was impassable due to snow or mud or what have you.

One night after taking the long way to our house. Gasp! He had to use the road! The Neighbor Man told Dad that there had to be a better way. A way for the two of them to traverse Green Street all year round. Then, he started throwing out ideas. How about a canopy? No, wind could take it away. Pouring concrete would be too expensive. What to do then?

The answer was both simple and complex. Simple in theory, but extremely complex in the execution. They were going to dig a tunnel. Yes, a tunnel. It was the perfect solution, they said. It could be used all year round, and of course, Big Brother wouldn't ever know when they were visiting each the government really cared how many times the Neighbor Man descended upon our house, but whatever.

Of course, Dad was game for any undertaking the Neighbor Man had in mind. So, the next Saturday morning when they both had the day off, the Neighbor Man was at our house bright and early, ready to start digging. They decided it would be best to start the tunnel over at his end, and so they left the house, in the firm grip of tunnel fever.

Mom stood watch at her bedroom window--the one that afforded the best view of the Neighbor Man's house--shaking her head. "They're crazy." she muttered over and over. "Well, at least they're tearing up Neighbor Man's yard and not ours." I'd like to think Dad had thought of that and that was the real reason they started digging over there, but one can never be certain as to what they were thinking.

An hour passed. They came in to take a break, tunnel excitement still rolling off them in giant waves. Break time ended and they headed back out. Mom took up her station back at the window, muttering about tunnels and crazy neighbors. Another couple hours passed when...

"What are they doing?" She exclaimed from her place by the window. She leaned closer, her nose mere inches away from the glass. "What is going on over there?" This was when I came in to see what she was grumbling about. "Now, they're coming back. What is going on?" she repeated. We watched in silence as they jumped in the Neighbor Man's truck and hightailed it back to our house.

Dad and the Neighbor Man rushed back into our house, their faces red from exertion, eyes wide as saucers, and breathing labored. "We've found the Loch Ness monster!" the Neighbor Man exclaimed.

"What?!?" Mom and I both wore the same expression of disbelief. The Neighbor Man had finally lost his last marble.

"It's true." Dad cut in. "I saw it! One minute, we're digging, and the next, it's right there! Big ass head...and eyes...and..."

"I'm telling you we have a monster!" The Neighbor Man exclaimed. "We have to call someone. The news...the National Enquirer...someone."

Mom, being the levelheaded voice of reason that she is known to be in extreme emergencies, told them both to calm down and take a seat. Then, she asked them to explain, in detail what happened. When they did, their description of the beast sounded like something I'd learned about in school....

The tunnel was filled back in shortly there after, and the beast was never seen again.

I'm afraid I really don't know what the life lesson is that I learned from this episode. Maybe, it's what Dad told me after reading last week's post. "You can't say there was ever a dull moment since we met the Neighbor Man." So true, Dad. So true.

1 comment:

  1. LOL! Well, now we know where the Loch Ness monster is when it's not swimming in the loch. ;)


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